Eight Steps of Forgiveness from Martha Stewart Living

Can You Really Forgive?
by Brian Cronin, December 2011 issue, pages 105-107

He claims that nothing is unforgivable.

Step 1: Choose, intend and say you will make a change. Place an empty chair in front of you and visualize the one you want to forgive. Say: "I will forgive you now, because..."Go on and say things like: "I have carried this long enough..."

Step 2: Express your emotions, or truths that need to be spoken. Feel your pain and say your feelings for 20 minutes. Cry if you have to, or punch a pillow. I say do this alone, and then with a trusted friend, or even with the person if they allow you.

Step 3: Release expectations from your mind. This is hard for me to do. I expect people to act in a minimal level of integrity or humanity, as I would (usually ;). He writes that you can accept that people are how they are and will not change. See what you expect and say: "I would have preferred if you..." and other such statements. Imagine your attachment to your expectation dissolving or flying away.

Step 4: Restore your boundaries. You assign that person full responsibility for their actions. Visualize a bubble or what works for you around you as a healthy boundary. See the other person farther and farther away. I would say this may hurt. Imagine you are totally unattached.

Step 5: Get your needs met a different way. Love yourself. I say: Turn to your religious and spiritual beliefs, go to nature, a journal, dance, friends, meeting new people, etc. Imagine being unattached to this person. Raise your arms above, asking God or the Universe to get your needs met a different way. Be willing to receive. I say: This last step may be more difficult than you think. I will blog more about this in the future.

Step 6: Receive healing energy. Imagine light from above and from inside filling you with unconditional love and healing you. Be open from your first chakra down.

Step 7: Send unconditional love to this person. You don't have to be friends, but send love to make your life lighter. Say: "I send you this higher love, and I release you to be yourself. And I release myself from you."

Step 8: See the good in the person you are forgiving. It is like seeing the glass half full. Think of some good qualities they had and good times you had together. I say think they did the best they could given where they were in their evolution. (That can be a bit condescending.;))See what you learned from the experience, like becoming stronger or more compassionate and forgiving.







My third book, Pocket Guide to Fitness, is available on www.louizapatsis.com, http://www.Authorhouse.com, www.BarnesandNoble.com and http://www.Amazon.com. If you look up my name on those Web sites, you will find my other books The Boy in a Wheelchair and Life, Work and Play: Poems and Short Stories.